I need space.

I know I usually use this space to talk about specific topics that are on my mind that have to do with God and the bible... but right now I just need to use this space to get my thoughts out. I just need this space.

I feel like the past month I've been in a daze, where I wasn't in reality. I went to Phoenix on vacation, I went to Edmonton for a weekend, I spent tons of time with my boyfriend who was leaving for Europe. There was no stress. It was all just being in relationships, going to church, being with god... I had lots of time to read and be still. It was like a break I desperately needed yes, but now I feel like I'm thrown back into reality which is real life. My boyfriend is gone for a few months, I'm getting into the rhythm of working, getting busy with plans, ministry, being in a friend's wedding. All good things. But, the anxiety is creeping in. Getting away from life, I got away from my worries and anxieties, it was an escape. But being 'back', I feel so anxious. I feel so off. Stressed and I don't know why. I feel so anti social. Like I just need to get away again. Find quiet. I can't live this way. I feel so distracted. Like I can't focus on one thing. Like I can't focus on anything. But I can't just run away from life... It will always be there. I feel like escaping into the world doesn't work. I need to run into God.

I need, need that rest only God provides. I think I am realizing I need alone time with God more than I have in my daily routine. I need to get back to that secret place where our hearts meet. I need to quiet myself. Collect my thoughts, talk to God about everything going on. I think, this is what will sustain me. My relationship with God. It provides me rest, peace, collection... the deeper I go with him, the more I realize I need him. It's not so much escaping the world, but escaping to that secret place. Slowing down my pace, meeting with God and resting in him.

"Be still and know I am God."