Sunnyside

I just got home this afternoon from a week away at camp in Sylvan lake. So much happened that I still need to process it and I believe the best way for me to process this... is to write about it! So here we go.

It was absolutely amazing to be honest and I don't even really know where to start. I didn't want to go to camp, but I really felt God leading me to go... So I did, and I'm super glad I decided to go. I was supposed to be there, no doubt about it. At first I felt super attacked about it. Like, I felt like I wasn't supposed to be there, like I wasn't making any change in my camper's lives, like I had no influence... basically a bunch of lies about how much I sucked! But after a while of feeling like this, I had enough. I went to my wonderful and amazing youth pastor for prayer. He was also counseling this week! He just prayed with me and instantly the lies just went away. A huge part of this week for me was realizing the power of prayer. It really is something and I can say with 100 percent certainty that prayer changes things. Just a side note, I wanted to say that I really, really love my youth pastor. Seriously, like I can't imagine what I would do with out him and his wife. I think one of my most favorite parts of this week was when he came up to me after a service and told me how proud he was of me. I just couldn't stop crying. I value his opinion so much and I just felt so loved. :) Thanks, Ramon.

This week was just so refreshing. I feel so refreshed. I feel like I was just reminded of my calling and my purpose. God spoke to me regarding so many different things in my life. He reminded me that he gave me a gentle spirit and that it's not a bad thing, that I shouldn't constantly try to be like everyone else, but that he created me just the way He meant to. God doesn't make mistakes. He reminded me that gentleness is a fruit of the spirit and it is not the opposite of boldness. I can live in the gentleness he created in me and yet still be bold for him. I really like that. I found freedom from a lot of faulty thinking this week. I used to believe that I could only get so far with my relationship with God. That there was this glass sort of ceiling stopping me from getting to where I want to be. It was like I could see other people's relationships with God and how I wanted to have that intimacy with him but for some reason I felt like I just couldn't get there, like I wasn't meant to get there. That this was as good as it could get and would ever get, that I could never become closer with him. I was being held back. In my mind I could just see God smashing that glass ceiling into millions of pieces. Shattering those stupid lies that I've been telling myself. I can go deeper in intimacy with him. I can have that every single day of my life. I am not being held back anymore. Things were not meant to be that way! My mind set has just been renewed. I just feel like God is fine tuning my relationship with him. God is correcting me on the little things I need correction on. (But I'm sure I need correction on a lot of things). I got the image of a ship. If the ship is off by even one degree, It's going to end up in a completely different place. Every little thing counts because the degree seems small near the start but in the end it grows and grows. Does that make sense... who cares, it makes sense to me. haha.

God also reminded me just how he has worked in my life. That he has answered prayers and I've just over looked them. Last year I struggled with joy. I walked through depression and just felt so unhappy, so lacking in joy. So I constantly prayed for God to give me the joy to walk through darkness. That even when everything around me was going wrong, I would still be able to have that joy that just 'jumps over sadness'. He answered that prayer, I haven't felt depressed in so long. I feel great. I feel so much joy in my heart. Even when I'm going through bad things, tough situations, I still feel joy deep down. It's more than a superficial happiness, but it's a deep, deep joy inside my heart because I know that God is always with me and He will never leave me or forsake me.

Another thing He told me was that I should continue to write. Writing helps me to better understand what God is saying to me. Sometimes I write and I end up writing things that I didn't even know I was feeling and God just speaks to me through it. Writing is also a great way to remember what God has done in my life, to go back and re read it and remember. It keeps the testimony alive for me. I'm going to start writing a lot more. Even in my own personal journal, I'm going to start writing more things down and I believe God will bless it.

There were so many scriptures that just touched my heart this week. So many quotes from the speakers that just clicked in my head. So many things! Too much to write about, but one of the things that sticked was when pastor Landon talked about Mana from Heaven one morning in our leaders meeting. Each day God will give you fresh Mana, Use it all, Don't save any for the next day because it will not be of any benefit to you or anyone and will just go fowl, go to bed dead exhausted but trusting that God will provide new Mana in the morning, new strength. Don't look to rest as rest. But look to God as rest. This is a kingdom principle and it got me through the week.

Just being a leader was amazing. I fell in love with my girls and they just totally blessed me in so many ways they probably didn't even realize. Follow me as I follow Christ. I'm going to continue in prayer for them.

Baptisms were amazing! I just can not sit through a baptism service and not cry my eyes out. I loved it. That was another one of my favorite parts of the week.

The holy spirit was just so at work this week. I felt so filled up. Fill me up so I can pour out. The fire tunnel was the BEST! Just praying for students and pouring out, and then getting filled right back up again. I have never felt the holy spirit like that before. So overwhelming. I loved it, and now I crave it even more.

I don't want camp to end. I want to bring camp back with me. Not camp, but the God I encountered there. He is not just the God of camp, but the God of everything. I'm tired of the old way of living, but I want to just encounter God every single day, I want to live a spirit filled, purpose driven, and repentance humbled life. I am so excited to see what God is going to do the rest of the summer and in the fall when I go back to school. I just feel a desire in my heart to win my campus over for Christ! It's a big job, but my God is bigger.

It's now almost one o clock in the morning, and my computer has 10 per cent battery left, but I still have so much more on my heart. I will be writing more about it later. And I'm sure that the seeds that have been planted in my life this week will grow and I will see the results in the days to come. God is never going to stop talking to me or teaching me or molding me. Just.... stay tuned.

Love in Christ,

Em