Doors.

You pray and pray for God to open and shut the doors, but when He shuts the doors you like and opens the doors you don't like, it is rather annoying! I have an ich that won't go away - I'm talking about missions. I have a great desire to just 'go'. But don't get me wrong! You can very well be a missionary in your own city, you don't need to go anywhere to find broken people needy for Jesus! I just know I'm called overseas, and I want to go now! But in the past little while God has been working with me on this... No em, not yet, not now, I need you else where, I need you here. Lindsay came to Calgary talking about the need that is still in the nation of Haiti, I looked into going to Haiti this summer... But God said no, the trip for nurses and medical staff is planned for during my exams, I tried planning a youth trip to Vancouver and that door shut too due very a variety of circumstances. An opportunity to go to Slovakia came up and guess what? The door shut and the trip got cancelled. A week ago a pastor from Colombia invited me to go... and Now seeing what is going on in Japan, I just want to go!! But this summer I am supposed to stay in Calgs, and go to camp. I don't want to go to camp... at all. But God keeps pushing me. People keep asking me to go, I keep dreaming about it, somehow the application forms 'magically' got printed off and handed to me... and today a youth told me she would go if I was there! Like... okay, okay I get it! Just... sometimes, what you have planned and what God has planned look so very different. BUT no matter what I do, travel the world, or going to camp this summer, I will put my whole heart into it because it's what God wants for my life, and I am excited for it. I'm praying that this summer will be so God filled and things will start to happen in Calgary and in the lives of the people living here, just as much as in Haiti, Van City, Slovakia, Colombia and Japan. Our God is the God of all nations.

Complacency.

My desire is to never be complacent. The enemy does work in complacency. When things become routine and comfortable, and when I am satisfied with the way things are going, growth stops. If I'm not moving forward, that means I'm moving back. It's like walking upstream, If I stand for just one second, the current will push me back to where I was before. I can't have it this way. I would rather walk through mountain and valley, than always remain the same. In the valley is where God does some of his greatest work. "God is as close as the mention of his name, even in the shadowy valley and maybe even more so." I need to feel hungry for you in all that I do. In everything I do I need you to be glorified. When I wake and when I go to sleep I need you to be the centre. I need your rest Father. I'm tired and worn out - I need to be replenished, so that I can be all that you created me to be. I want your heart to shine from my actions. Break my heart for what breaks yours. Open my eyes to the things unseen.

Hush

Where my words fail, music speaks. A friend showed me this song and I just love the lyrics. Beautiful.

"Hush now, dear baby, your world will work out. I know life is crazy and your filled with doubt. The sun is refusing to shine through your pain, but baby keep hoping, theres so much to gain. Cus even when the rain starts pouring, muddy waters overwhelming, he is there. And even when the fight feels over, even when your done and over, he'll be there. Hush now dear child, the sun will find it's way, and you'll greet the morning and chase the night away. And you'll see that spring time is not so far away. and baby keep hoping, there's so much to gain. Cus even when the rain starts pouring, muddy waters overwhelming, He is there. And even when the fight feels over, even when your done and over, He'll be there."

- Hush, He is there, Avante sound collective

Not the freedom to sin, but the freedom from sin.

I love this picture - I came across it randomly and it just struck me as beautiful. This is me; so grey and dull by myself, but this is God inside of me, amazing and full of colour and wonder. I just thought it was a nice portrait of who I really am... Nothing without my saviour. 

I am feeling much better this week. God has placed some amazing people in my life and I am so thankful for it. People who lift me up and encourage me. It's a great picture of the church and how it's supposed to be... Like a family. =) I honestly don't know where I would be without my best friend... Mackenzie-Anne. When I can't feel Jesus, she is Jesus to me. I never doubt that it has been in God's plan all along for us to be in each others lives. I love you Kennie. 

The song 'Freedom Reigns' is a really great song. Freedom reigns in this place, showers of mercy and grace falling on every face. There is freedom. My Jesus reigns in this place. It is so simple and so powerful. I am free. Who the son has set free is free indeed. Feel the chains fall away. Feel the heaviness fall away. Because Jesus reigns, where the spirit of the Lord is there is freedom. Not the freedom to sin, but the freedom from sin. Beautiful. If you have not heard this song... look it up. Youtube that baby.

As some of my friends are up in Edmonton this week visiting the open house for Vanguard College, I can't help but be jealous. All my childhood I wanted to go to Bible school. It just seemed like the best option. Until around grade 11 and even into grade 12, I was set and ready to go to college out in BC, The school my dad and mom and aunts and uncles all attended. I thought it must run in the family. But God had other plans. It's weird for me to think about how Bible school just isn't in the plan (right now at least, who knows). It's what I've always wanted. That's why sometimes I let my thoughts get a hold of me, I feel purpose-less, like I made the wrong choice, like I'm missing out. But no. God had other plans for me. Better plans than my own. I am called to this place. I belong here. With out a doubt. Even seeing how God shut the door to the school I really wanted to go to and pointed me towards UofC. I have seen God move in this place. I have been stretched. I have grown. I have had opportunities to speak into people's lives that I otherwise would not have been able to. I have seen two people give their lives to Jesus. & I'm hoping for more. I hope to influence more, grow and learn more. And it goes both ways, I have met some amazing people that have poured into me and given me strength. I can't let myself believe that I am not meant to be here, because I am. I am.

I love our God with all my heart.
Just sayin'