Anxiety.

I feel very anxious today. Like there's something I should be doing, or I'm missing something. Why? I have gone over my to do list over and over. I'm not behind in school, I'm not forgetting anything important. Every physical thing is in order. Why do I feel this way then? I don't know. I hate feeling this way when I don't know why. It's like unease, like I'm anticipating something. It's a terrible feeling. It's in my head and in my heart. It hurts physically and mentally. What do I do...


Philippians 4:6-8
Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things.

Matthew 6:31-34
"Do not be anxious then, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'With what shall we clothe ourselves?' "For all these things the Gentiles eagerly seek; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

Matthew 6:27
"And which of you by being anxious can add a single cubit to his life's span?

Matthew 11:28-30
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. "Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart; and you shall find rest for your souls. "For My yoke is easy, and My load is light."

God - help me.

Still a sheep.

When I sin, I act like I don't belong to God. After I sin, I still act like I don't belong to God. I think to myself that because I sinned, I am no longer God's, but to belong to God, one must be perfect and righteous. Sometimes I am the farthest thing from righteous. How can I ever belong to God if I am constantly messing up. How can anyone? For all have sinned, and fallen short of the glory of God. Even those in the bible days, did not deserve God. But God still chose to call them righteous. Noah, David, his disciples. Where they perfect? Probably not. What makes someone righteous then? Is it acting in a certain way? Is it being in the right place at the right time? Is it striving against sin and repenting when it happens? Maybe that has a part to play. But, I believe it's grace. Grace makes a person righteous in the eyes of God. It's God's grace that teaches us, molds us, grows us to be righteous. The definition of the word is to act in accordance with a divine or moral law, free from guilt and sin. Can anyone fit this bill? Only through sanctification and justification through the holy spirit. It's grace that lets us belong to him. It's grace that has opened our eyes to our sin. It's God and his grace that gives us the strength to fight against it. It's God and his grace that gives us the heart to repent.

Emilie - Just because you sin, doesn't mean you are no longer his sheep. When his sheep go off the path, he will find you. He will bring you back to where you are supposed to be. He doesn't abandon his sheep because they made a mistake. Your mistakes do not define you. Stop running away from the Shepard because you think you're a wolf. You're not a sheep in wolf's clothing - that's not how the story goes. It's the wolf that dresses up in the sheep's clothes to deceive. You are lost and you need your Shepard, he's the only one who can direct you back to the flock and away from the real wolves. Start acting and repenting like a sheep. Sin will damage your relationship with the Shepard, yes. But... it cannot separate you from his love, it cannot change the fact that you are his daughter - his sheep. 

“Truly, truly, I say to you, he who does not enter the sheepfold by the door but climbs in by another way, that man is a thief and a robber. 2 But he who enters by the door is the shepherd of the sheep. 3 To him the gatekeeper opens. The sheep hear his voice, and he calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. 4 When he has brought out all his own, he goes before them, and the sheep follow him, for they know his voice. 5 A stranger they will not follow, but they will flee from him, for they do not know the voice of strangers.” 6 This figure of speech Jesus used with them, but they did not understand what he was saying to them. 7 So Jesus again said to them, “Truly, truly, I say to you, I am the door of the sheep. 8 All who came before me are thieves and robbers, but the sheep did not listen to them. 9 I am the door. If anyone enters by me, he will be saved and will go in and out and find pasture. 10 The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly. 11 I am the good shepherd. The good shepherd lays down his life for the sheep. 12 He who is a hired hand and not a shepherd, who does not own the sheep, sees the wolf coming and leaves the sheep and flees, and the wolf snatches them and scatters them. 13 He flees because he is a hired hand and cares nothing for the sheep. 14 I am the good shepherd. I know my own and my own know me, 15 just as the Father knows me and I know the Father; and I lay down my life for the sheep. 16 And I have other sheep that are not of this fold. I must bring them also, and they will listen to my voice. So there will be one flock, one shepherd. 17 For this reason the Father loves me, because I lay down my life that I may take it up again. 18 No one takes it from me, but I lay it down of my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I have received from my Father.”

John 10

Counter-culture

"We're going to take back, all the enemy has stolen. It's in the blood of the one who's worthy. I know God has not forgotten all that's lost and broken. So come and see the turning of the tides, come and see the sons and daughters rise. How could he who did not spare his own son, not freely give us victory against the darkest of nights." -Will Reagan and the United Pursuit Band

Short and sweet: Lately I've been feeling anxious about the future. How will God's plan will work out? What am I supposed to do? I talked to my best friend today and God spoke to me through her. Just trust him. Live sold out, every day surrender to him. Live in the now for God. Don't wait until later, and don't settle. Don't become complacent. Be used by God now where you are.

I think God has placed a discomfort in my heart about this Canadian and North American culture for a reason. I tend to lean towards missions. I've always said I wanted to move out of Canada and do missions. But what if God just wants me to be so dissatisfied with our culture here, that I don't conform. Not necessarily to take the easy way out and move away, but live here and be counter-cultural. That I am counter-cultural in everything I do. The way I live for Christ, the way I speak, how I spend my money, how I treat people, how I serve... everything. Maybe I'm not meant to do missions overseas, but channel this uncomfortable feeling I get towards changing the culture here in Canada. How do you change a culture? You change the people. How do you change the people? You show them Christ. Be Christ to them. Love on them like Christ would. Only He can change the culture and the people of Canada. Maybe that's the reason I feel the way I do. Never thought of it that way before. It gives me peace.

God, change my desires.