God I don't know what you are calling me to.
I need to die to what I think my calling should look like.
In the past few weeks, I have been struggling with the idea of living a "glamorous" life. I desire to live that life where people see me and want to be like me. Can I be honest here? I want to have my best face forward, the pictures people see on instagram and Facebook. I want to be beautiful, skinnier, healthier, more talented at the things I think are desirable and worthy. I want to be that woman, who is good at cooking, house keeping, interior design… who is always fashionable. But at the same time, good at my career, successful. A better nurse, wife, friend, daughter.
But I'm exhausted from pursuing that glamorous life.
I need to accept that I am called. Not called to that glamorous life. I always focus on the calling. But forget the one calling me. I need to accept that I am called, accepted, chosen by God.
Sometimes I look at the end result, what am I doing for God right now… and don't see any fruit, therefore I doubt that I was called by God in the first place.
I need to look to the caller. Adopt his vision. It's not about my own dreams and ambitions, although God can use those things he has placed in my heart.
God what burden have you placed on my heart? I want to know who you designed me to be. I want to be consumed with seeing You fill this place. I don't want to be focused on my accomplishment, but your plans accomplishment, even if I do not get the credit.
Even if I play the background. I want to be humbled so you can be exhausted.
I want to usher your glory. I want to be filled with you so that your plans can be accomplished. That when I (you) walk into a room darkness vanishes.
God please place a vision and dream in my heart from you. Reveal to me, what you are calling me to, not just what I want to do, but what you want me to do. I want to adopt your vision for my life. Holy spirit I need you. I need to change. I believe that the more I pursue you, I will change. I cannot change on my own, I realize in a new way. But I will chase you until I am different.
Your purpose is to be where God dwells.
At work, with people, in the city, with close friends/family… everywhere you do life.
He is rich in mercy, because of his great love he made you alive. For we are his workmanship.
